Poko's space

窗外雾很大，树木房子尚且半掩其面，更别提渺小的人群了。如果雾再高些，应该可以看到很多无头人走来走去吧。我就这样坐在自己的牢房，看着另一天从指尖流过。隔壁的小孩依然还在喊叫。折腾了一夜。。。不知道这会儿又是因为什么恶梦。上次他说看到自己的牢房被水淹了，努力的喊叫让周围人知道。。。可是大家都在睡，貌似根本没有人关心自己的死活，大家关心的是能不能睡的够踏实，睡得忘记一切，恨不得不要醒来。我们后来打趣他，说他梦得有远见，因为这是迟早的，谁让全球变暖呢。孟加拉的小岛不是已经被淹了嘛，呼吁着美国等发达－主要体现在发达得排放二氧化碳上－国家援助呢。不过这会大家都团结度过危机呢，估计目前哦爸妈总统还顾不上管这个。不管怎样，这个梦还是值得让这孩子喊叫一夜的。雾还是没有散去，有点雾好，遮掩下的人也许更大胆呢。狱友樊是个很害羞的人，跟相处了几年的同学，居然放学连句再见都说不出口。我后来问他是不是有病，他调侃道：我没病能进这里吗。。。得儿，他倒是很直接。他是单亲妈妈带大的，从小把他当女儿般养，也许他妈妈也不知道怎样教导一个男孩变成真正的男人吧。到了中学，有一次班级火拼，由于人手不够，他终于被考虑进了男人团队。虽然他带去血拼的水果刀成了笑料，但是他依然十分感激当时考虑他入伙的鹫，他觉得鹫是真英雄，因为他有着不一般的眼光。 从此他就成了鹫的樊。他们一起为班级拿了篮球比赛冠军，鹫学习低谷时，他天天陪着自习。那是一段简单充实的日子。直到鹫有了女友，樊发现他不再是鹫生活的重心。他发现，生活中除了哥们，还得有女友，因为哥们有女友了。。没人陪你走天下了。。。。于是乎，不久以后，他也沾了爱情这趟浑水。当然我不知道，他的这段关系爱情的成分有多大。在我看来，他只是不知道自己想要什么。然后复制着身边人的生活而已。所以当鹫和他女友不合时，他必定也会走入爱情低谷。所以在学校的烧烤摊旁，总可以看到他们俩喝醉的勾肩搭背的身影。。。樊后来跟我说，他觉得那段中学恋爱对他唯一的慰籍，是让他和鹫有了更多共同语言。。。。。可是那时的他，又怎么会知道自己注定悲剧呢？那个时候又有谁会跟他聊这些呢？连他自己都不会想要表白什么。因为那太荒谬。因为那个时代，那个地方，这种感觉根本无从定义。当你发现自己是个异类的时候。你宁可假装不知道。

半天过去了，雾散了些。真想出去跑跑，走走。。。可是看惯了牢房里的4角天空，你的欲望就真的只停留在欲望的阶段了。peter又来了，我不确定是不是昨天那只，但是只要落在我窗台边的鸽子，我统称peter。就这样我站在窗台的一角，他在另一角。时不时的回望我几下。多熟悉的画面，记忆里也有一个人这样过。我望着他的背影，不禁的感叹多么美好的画面呢。。。。如果动物是有灵性的。。。。这是否是一个暗示，说明他是个好人。说明我可以多些信任。。。。后来我发现，也许那鸽子是因为我才迟迟不走的。。。。抑或。。。那就只是个巧合。一切都只是巧合。当你愿意相信时，你说他是缘分；当你难过时，你就说倒霉。

送饭的来了，吃饱先。等会和樊去网球。

Have been home for almost two weeks. Gonna go back in about 2 days....have not packed yet. When I looked at those newly purchased stuff, my mind was whispering “I contribute a lot to follow the policy of increasing the internal demand" I have to admit, even with relatively unhealthy air, less in style fashion, unprofessional sale services, up till now this week is so overwhelmed with laughing, happiness that other bad memories are just nothing for me. From the moment i was waiting for my flight to Beijing, the funny story begins. I met a girl who also thought I might be a person worth talking with. So we smiled and chatted at the same time. Then I was unbelievably amazed since her seat was just beside me. I have to confess i do not believe there is a mysterious highness somewhere manipulating our human being's life but after this I am not quite sure about the point. She is also the first 90+ I met, which was demonized by Chinese media as a generation with overly open mind but lack of self-reflection. However that girl overturns the unfair judgment by her dashing manners and smartness. I feel like we are both the type that lean to dig out the answers to some profound questions by thinking, while for some topics like what your favorite career will be may only be unveiled by earning your life. Through the 13 hour flight we talked from career goal to existence of destiny. I am amazed that I share the same opinions with this much younger girl in many ways. Is this a hint of my immaturity or should I be happy for my forever-young mind, which is another question that I am a little tired to think about.

 

Yeah, I do not have time now. so busy being happy and spending the time in the most sweet way--with parents, folks, friends (though most of them can only be connected by phone, email, msn). Like the lyric said, everyday here can be regarded as a celebration. I love my home. I do miss my parents. After being away for six years, I am more eager than anytime to feel the family atmosphere. Embraced by this unconditional love, you become free to show yourself, open your heart and cannot expect more. Finally, all I can do is nodding my head to the motto ''happiness is simple''. Yeah, no matter how complicated you make your life to be to pursue that apex in your heart, you always need relax and take a breath before you go on the arduous road. At this moment, home is always a right place. If the intention of life is chasing happiness I should extend this vacation eternally. However, that happiness is not enough. Enormous happiness can only be achieved in the price of enormous devotion. If it is not because of the leaving, we may never this cherish the time together. Because we are all fighting hard today, tomorrow it is more probable that we will be together in a better environment....Thank you my dear parents for your love, giving me the courage to find the break of the dawn.

 

Anyway, be so happy that I am back and feel a little bit sad to leave again on New Year’s Day. But I am ready for the new fight. It is not only for glory anymore but also for my beloved.

just as someone's saying, can never feel bored with a lovable song around you....after the movie twilight, this cute sweet melody was just carved in my mind and spin there since then. Thank  the person who find the song for me.... everytime listening to it, i feel safe and cosy.

 

yahoo.坐在办公室里,听着甜蜜的歌曲.心情是莫名其妙的very舒畅阿...hohoho.发傻一下,记录一下...

不知道是不是工作了就非得迷茫一把.总之最近非常的不productive.貌似从来都没闲过.也许是给自己安排的事情太多了,反而没什么斗志了,如果工作的奖励还是工作,估计也没有什么人会工作吧.

 

也知道这样不好,这样的年龄,你还想怎样.只能努力干好手边的事情.思考的结果就是挣扎.还不如别思考,免得又逗乐了上帝老人家. 学习学习,经验经验.从6岁叫嚣到现在,怎么生活主题依然没变...我有点无语. 唯一让人欣慰的是,现在的努力也许真的可以转化为生产力.但是对于我呢?我想要什么样的生活呢...我甚至都开始懒得开始思考这个问题了.这算是进步吧,我这么认为. 生活的答案,只有去活了才会知道.而当你知道的时候,你也不可能活第二次了.

 

不管我活在什么状态,我估计都会抱怨,都会问这个问题.因为这没得比较,你不可能去尝试别人的生活,至少这种机会是有限的.有的人追求稳定,过好现有的生活,典型的该过的生活.不去问那么多,不去挣扎那么多.学会甘心...我觉得这也是幸福的.真的.

 

有的人责受不了这样,得去尝试不同的活法,具体化比如是不同的职业,不同的城市,不同的国家的生活...这个是非常有风险的. 但是对比过之后,就会更坚定的明白自己想要的日子....我也许是尝试的还不够,也许是受够了尝试.总之我依然没有答案.

 

有时候会很没出息的觉得,如果能遇到个合适的人就一起生活算了,何苦还要想那么多.但是问题就是遇到了,也不会有童话似的结尾.遇到了也只是平添了无奈.最终都要向现实屈服...谁让感情就是最靠不住的,最不重要的呢...可是为什么还会想要追寻呢?这又是个问题...oh my god... 

 

成,把这些情绪垃圾倒在这里,顿时一身轻,hoho重新放slam dunk...打算多看看日剧,比较励志,让人更加理性....看来有些东西是必须放弃的,既然已经选择了,就不要再挣扎.不要问自己开不开心.因为那从来就不是活着的目的.